“Who doesn’t like Hot Dogs?” The question might seem moot. But the ARE folks who dread the arrival of Hot Dog Season. For them, it’s a social and culinary conundrum. How do you politely decline the offer of America’s Favourite Food?
Hot Dog hater Brandon Griggs: About to consume his first Dog ‘in almost 7 decades’.
Who, indeed? Hot Dogs are a cornerstone icon of Summer in North America. According to the US National Hot Dog and Sausage Council, “During peak hot dog season, from Memorial Day to Labor Day, Americans typically consume 7 billion hot dogs. That’s 818 hot dogs consumed every second.”
The biggest Hot Dog event of the year is July 4: “On Independence Day, Americans will enjoy 150 million hot dogs, enough to stretch from D.C. to L.A. more than five times.”
There’s no question Americans love their dogs – both hot and canine. And I can attest, from per-sonal experience, that canines love their bun-bound namesakes just as much as humans. But it’s probably impossible to find out how many our 4-legged friends consume.
Nevertheless…
CNN Digital Culture Editor Brandon Griggs begs to advance a contrarian view.
“In the vast smorgasbord of festive foods, hot dogs have never done it for me,” Griggs admits, right off the top. “I’m not a vegetarian or a picky eater, and I’m not on some nitrates-free health kick. I just don’t care for them.”
Fair enough.
But why?
Griggs admits that, when he was just an infant, and his Mom was just starting him on solid foods, she cut up a hot dog in small pieces for him. And he promptly choked on it.
“From then on, my mother says I refused to eat hot dogs. I wasn’t a fussy kid — I’d heartily gobble up all kinds of vegetables (except for beets, which I didn’t learn to appreciate until deep into adulthood),” he says. “But hot dogs were a no go. Maybe I had some residual hot dog trauma.”
That would have traumatized me, foe sure. I has the same pathological hate/fear of beets for years.
The Baseball Schism
Griggs says he has a big problem with the passion among baseball fans for Hot Dogs. He loves baseball, “for all the old-timey reasons.” But his distaste for Hot Dogs makes him feel like an outsider – an interloper in the fan community.
He relates that, when he was a kid and his Dad took him to Boston’s Fenway Park for Red Sox games, the only sustenance the hawkers offered was ‘Fenway Franks’ and peanuts. So, he ate a lot of peanuts.
Coping strategies
How does an incurable Hot Dog hater cope in social circles? Griggs says it’s a true existential dilemma.
“Ask yourself: Have you ever disliked something that almost everyone else seems to enjoy? It feels a little lonely. It also can make you question your judgment. Everyone else I knew loved hot dogs — what was wrong with me?”
He says he’s had only two options when confronted with a gift Dog: ‘You can pretend to like the thing, and feel sort of phony. Or, while everyone else is zigging, you can embrace your zag.” But zagging can be tough. If you speak your truth and decline the Dog, folks may treat you as some kind of weirdo. There’s always the fear you’ll be shunned.
Fair is fair
Griggs admits that as a journalist, he felt it was only fair to try a Hot Dog before making his final pronouncement on the ubiquitous treat. He admits he hadn’t eaten one for ‘almost seven decades’, and was grudgingly prepared to change his opinion in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
But his personal reformation was not to be: “The hot dog was not as terrible as I remembered. But it wasn’t exactly tasty, either. The aftertaste lingered in my mouth like a bad houseguest. ”
My take
I can take Hot Dogs or leave them. I’ll reach for a Hamburger every time, if presented with the choice. And, like Griggs, I’m not on any kind of crazy anti-nitrite or anti-processed food crusade.
I believe in Julia Child’s mantra: “Moderation in all things – including moderation!” Which is to say, if you like a food, enjoy it. But be aware of any nutritional contraindications that come with it.
I do enjoy a Dog now and then. Sometimes to honour the circumstances, like being at the Ballpark, or a friend’s or relative’s party. And I have them a few times over the summer in fond remembrance of my school-holiday stints on the farm, and at the cottage.
On balance… I can truly say that, while I’m no Dog-a-holic, I don’t share Griggs’ fear and loathing for them. But I can understand how he feels. So… Let’s all resolve to dedicate our next tube steak to CNN’s official Hot Dog holdout.
‘Gobble one for the Griggster!”
~ Maggie J.