I was saddened to read, in a post about making one’s final arrangements, that kids today – especially millennials and their spawn – don’t care about ‘things’ as much as my generation, and those who came before me. But that may make it easier to decide how to dispose of my worldy goods…
I remember vividly, when my paternal grand parents had both passed away, the vicious infighting and bitter arguments over who would get what from among the ‘family treasures’. There were five daughters and daughters-in-law in on the melee, and at least a couple of older female cousins who were not content to wait until their mothers were finished with the stuff to get items they had their eyes on.
Some of the ladies (and I use the term loosely in this context) just wanted some small thing, like a pair of earrings or a Royal Doulton figurine to remember the old gal by. They never really got mixed up in the blood-letting savagery of the main battle. What caused the real trouble – and spawned some life-long animosities – between the daughters was the fight over who would get the Good China, the Silver Ware and the Crystal.
I remember my own mother, who wasn’t as interested in the heavy freight as her sisters-in-law, muttering things to dad like, “Eunice insists that the China, Crystal and Flatware all go together and shouldn’t be split up. And she says us other girls aren’t likely to use the good stuff nearly as much as she will, because her husband is an architect, and they have such high-brow friends.” Sound familiar? It was the first, but not the last time I witnessed situations like that.
My own good fortune
I’ve been able, as an only daughter, to ‘make hay’ on the hand-me-down China and Crystal and Silverware front, just by accident, really. I’ve ended up with four sets of porcelain, each with 6 to 8 place settings, all complete with serving pieces and one with a Tea Service. One is my own, of course (see picture, above left), from my doomed marriage. Another is my Mom’s from her famously successful and romantic second marriage. Another is from my dad’s second marriage (his wife’s kids already had sideboards full of stuff of their own and didn’t want it) and one from my partner’s Mom, who decided to hand off her Napoleon Ivy when she moved in with her daughter and had to downsize drastically.
We customarily use one set for Christmas, another for New Years, a third for Easter and the fourth for Thanksgiving, rotating round the year. They all look fabulous on a lace table cloth with the Mom’s Rogers 1847 Silver and my Pinwheel crystal.
Then, it all came crashing down!
The article I read about millennials and their parents (the generation after me, I would guess) made it clear that these products of a faster-paced, ever-changing, more mobile world aren’t interested in ‘old stuff’ that would just act as boat anchors on them. They have no sense of tradition, family history or who their forebears were. They care not where they came from, but only where they are going.
I was slammed by that realisation a couple of weeks back when, in a commercial for one of those one of those ‘ancestry’ websites, a twenty-something ‘it’ girl (probably just an actress playing the part) smiled wonderingly into the camera and said, “if it hadn’t been for [family tree research service] I’d never have known who my grandfather was, or how he came to this country in the first place!”
In my youth, you were considered an oddball if you didn’t know who your great-grand parents were, where they came from, and how the generations all laid out from them on down to yourself. Family photo albums were cherished treasures, and Mothers dutifully schooled their eldest daughters in who all the people in the pictures were and how they were all related.
No more.
So it should have been no surprise to me that the post on planning for one’s ‘departure’ started right off by saying, don’t lose sleep over who gets the China, the Crystal or the Flatware. Chances are, none of your kids will want them. I guess that would also apply to any of the little knickknacks from the figurine display case, Grandad’s pocket watch, and (*SIGH*) the family photo album.
My suggestion…
If you really want to pass on something your kids will cherish – besides ‘the money’ – sit down this weekend and write out the recipes for the dishes you and your elders cook for them, that they love. At least, when you’re gone, they’ll be able to celebrate your life by making those treats for themselves. That is, if folks even bother to cook at all in the future. I often lie awake at night, wondering what the world would be like if the average person didn’t cook anymore. Just bought ready-made, extreme-processed, really unhealthy ‘foods’ from vending machines, Fast Food joints or other take-outs. Then again, maybe the current Meal Kits fad will become a full-fledged trend, and will help the art of cooking survive. After all, it’s the shopping (the kids say) that’s no fun…
~ Maggie J.