Something amazing, amusing or simply boggling goes by almost every day, in the passing cavalcade of online food ‘news’. An announcement I almost missed insists that miniature pineapples are something I need to be aware of…
I’ll grant you, these little bundles of tropical joy have their charms. They’re cute as a (prickly) button, and we’re told they taste just as good as their full-sized counterparts.
But, aside from adorning a reconstruction of one of Carmen Miranda’s infamous Fruit Hats (see example above) I don’t see any justification for promulgating, let alone marketing the things…
What it is
The Precious Honeyglo is a perfect miniature pineapple weighing in at an average 1.5 lb. / 0.6 kg. ‘Personal-sized’, as the grower styles it. (See comparison with standard-sized fruit, left.)
It’s a collaboration between online retailer Melissa’s.com and tropical fruit legend Del Monte.
“This exclusive treat starts with unique growing conditions and slow ripening on the stem for peak sweetness,” enthuses the Melissa’s webpage. “Notice the distinctive honey-colored shell, a promise of sunshine-infused flavor in every bite. These tasty little pines are shipped within 48 hours of harvest—they’re as fresh as you can get!”
If, like many of us, you associate pineapples exclusively with Hawaii, try not to show too much disappointment when you discover the mini-ps are from Costa Rica. That shouldn’t diminish the product one bit in your estimation. After all, Carmen Miranda – ‘The Brazilian Bombshell’ – was actually born in Portugal…
No justification
For a start… You can’t just pick up a mini pineapple and eat it like you can an apple, pear, or plum. Or a bunch of grapes or cherries. That alone takes about 25 percent of the potential fun out of it. They require preparation, and that’s a big drawback in the eyes of the ‘convenience’ (Millennials and later) generations. Otherwise, the young folks would probably line up around the block to get one – just so they could say they did. Heck. They might anyway. It’s a ‘youth’ thing…
When you do get down to preparation… How much usable fruit do you get once you’ve peeled and cored a mini? Even if the shell and core of a mini-p are scaled down proportion to its overall size, one still wonders if the result would be worth the cost and effort to achieve it.
Flavour overriding?
Let’s assume, for the sake of argument, the flavour of the exalted mimi-p is really that superior to that of standard pineapples. I – and most of the folks I’ve consulted – say your every-day large pineapple is rich and sweet enough to satisfy most of them, and even sugar-glut a few.
There is one application for which the mini-p would stand unexcelled: a perfectly trimmed ring perched on the glass-rim of a tall drink with an umbrella in it.
Come to think of it, the mini-p would also lend itself to other culinary decorative and garnish roles. It could become famous as the ‘Maraschino Cherry’ of the tropics!
The bottom line
If the Precious Honjeyglo Pineapple does become a star of the bar, or a popular topping for cakes and pastries, I predict it will end up like the Pet Rock.
As a ‘personal’ accessory, the mini-p may even rival the mood ring as a fad. But it is perishable, and that means you’ll have to go out and get a new one every week or so. At a cost of (US)$20 for the minimum 2-pack, that’s a major financial commitment.
Overall… I can’t endorse the Precious Honeyglo mini pineapple on either utilitarian or economic grounds. But if you love cute, little ‘mini’ things, you may find yourself mysteriously attracted to it…
~ Maggie J.