I just about fell off my chair when I read about this new recreational cannabis edible. “How,” I wondered, “could so many things be so wrong with one product?” Furthermore, “What kind of weed-wonked brain came up with the idea in the first place?” But the questions didn’t stop there…
The limited edition Everything Bagel Seasoning Munchies Bar (EBSMB)is a collab between Kiva cannabis edibles and Yeastie Boys Bagels. It’s webpage says, “Kiva’s Everything Bagel Munchies Bar features the Yeastie’s classic salty seasoning sprinkled on sweet, hash-infused dark chocolate. Sugary, savory, chocolatey and hashy, this limited edition treat is sure to transform your wake and bake, Kiva-style.”
‘Wake and bake’? I guess I’m not up on the current street lingo. But that’s not at issue here. What is on the table is all the things I see as wrong with the limited-edition confection. Some not only wrong, but downright dangerous.
Like salt for chocolate?
We all know that a little salt can make chocolate (and caramel, too, for that matter) a lot more yummy. But Everything Bagel seasoning is way overboard. Gotta wonder whether the seasoning is there to support the chocolate or vice-versa. A photo on the Kiva website reveals that the blend of salt, spices and seeds used is not actually sprinkled on top of the bar, but added to the bottom while its still molten, during the moulding process. And there appears to be a lot of the ‘seasoning’. That’s not a problem, except that my taste buds are telling me the thing would taste strange; neither chocolately nor bagely, but something not adequately defined in between. And the seeds would get caught in my teeth. Small quibbles, but we’re just getting started.
Dosing dangers
Kiva says each EBSMB contains 100 mg of THC (the psychoactive ingredient in Weed), partitioned off in 5 mg – single dose – squares. The usual dose in other cannabis munchies is 2.5 mg per portion. And if you’re a cannabis user who gets the munchies easily, you might not be able to stop at just one square. Then, overdose city is just around the corner.
An issue I have with all ‘candy’ formatted cannabis edibles is the possibility that kids will get hold of them. Adult might understand that one square of chocolate or one gummie is a dose, but kids might not. I can understand how stoned adults might easily leave weed candy lying around and kids would find it. Emergency room stats in jurisdictions where cannabis has been legalized all show a sharp rise in child ODs following legalization.
Premium priced ‘pot-olate’
Kiva chocolate bars go for $20 direct from the maker to California addresses, and range from $22 on up at third-party retailers. That’s more than twice what the average same-sized, more-pedestrian cannabis bar goes for.
And, since you’re basically out for the high, do you really care how ‘premium’, ‘sustainable’ or ‘ethical’ the chocolate is?
If you want premium chocolate, get plain, unadulterated chocolate. If you want a high, get THC oil or weed or whatever. And if you want Everything Bagel seasoning, get a dozen Everything Bagels to munch on after you’ve nailed your high.
Marketing mania
The packaging of the entire Kiva weed-infused chocolate bar line (11 varieties counting the EBSMB) is identical – except for a small rectangular space at the bottom for the sticker identifying the variety. It’s printed on high-class, thick, open-fibre paper with embossed graphics and lettering – premium details designed to support Kiva’s ’boutique’ and ‘premium’ image.
When you compare the ingredients, Kiva bars as a family seem to contain just about the same stuff as the cheaper competition. They do claim to be using sustainable, ethically-sourced cocoa, which supposedly costs more. But not, I think THAT much more.
In short, the EBSMB is really akin to a bottle of perfume or a premium brand wristwatch or computer. You’re paying a lot for the name and image. And that’s never a great idea, in my humble opinion.
On the whole…
The Kiva cannabis edibles not only present dangers to both adults and accidental child users, they’re priced crazy-high compared to other, less fancy-packaged brands which probably look and taste the same under the marketing ‘skin’. And I think it’s cynical to market recreational drugs in the same way as they do expensive perfume, cars, smart phones, watches or computers. Although they do go to a lot of trouble packaging premium booze (another recreational drug) in fancy bottles with fancy labels.
If you gave me one sentence in which to sum up my impression of the EBSMB, I’d say, “This product smacks of the mentality that dreams up ridiculous mega-burgers, crazy Fast Food crossover collabs, and novelty flavour mash-ups.”
How could so many things be so wrong with one product?
~ Maggie J.