Idiot Millennial Eats Tide Pods - © via YouTube

New York State To Regulate Tide Pods?

No. Really. And, for those of you who don’t know, ‘Tide Pods’ are little plastic pouches of  Laundry detergent you just throw into the machine and forget. It’s convenience to the max. No mess, no measuring. But it seems that idiots who don’t know any better have taken to eating them…

Tide Pods and Kids - © Tide via YouTubeStill pic capture from a recent Tide Pods TV commercial: The message? Keep out of reach
of children! But pre-schoolers aren’t the only ‘young people’ eating them…

Yes, concerned New York legislators are recommending: We must save the idiots from themselves. Ban Tide Pods! But why just Tide ‘pods’ and not any of the other ‘pods’ on the market? And there are dishwasher ‘pods’ as well.

It seems the internet is at least partly to blame, as it is for the majority of crazy fads that spread virally on the net these days.

Why eat Tide Pods?

I’m advised this has been going on for some time but it hasn’t hit the Food News wires until now because it literally was not considered a ‘food’ issue. Makes sense.

But why eat the things in the first place? I’d have just assumed that, like their powdered and liquid counterparts, ‘pod’ packaged detergents were be out and out poison. Younger people – particularly, I assume, those with more money than they have sense and more time on their hands than binge-0wathing TV can consume – somehow got the idea to try Pod-eating as some kind of inane challenge.

Detergent pods are full of highly concentrated toxic alkaline chemicals. The toxic effects of ingesting laundry pods includes: vomiting for a prolonged period of time, coughing, drowsiness, choking, wheezing, and eye damage. Yes, you can die. It really is poison, after all!

The real problem lies elsewhere…

Moronic adults aside, the real problem, as some see it, lies with the attractive colours and aromas of detergent pods. This makes them attractive to kids who just naturally think, if they look good and smell good, they must be candy. That’s the basis of the proposed legislation now circulating at the state house in Albany.

The bill proposes that detergent pods be manufactured with a single-colour filling and a single-colour, opaque bite-proof outer plastic envelope. This would hopefully make them less attractive to the little ones.

But remember the old truism: You can’t legislate common sense. How long will it take for word to get around the internet that eating detergent pods is just stupid and can be deadly?

For now…

Tide has been dedicating its Tide Pods advertising lately yo a safety message about keeping them out of the reach of children, like prescription drugs and other cleaning products. Good for them – although they’re probably more motivated by wanting to ensure the product is not outlawed altogether, after the millions they pout into developing and market it.

Want to prove how brainless, reckless and just plain dumb you are? Go eat some Tide Pods.

~ Maggie J.

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